The best man gig
So you’ve been tapped and in 12 months you’re going to have to suit up and guide your mate through his last few days of bachelor freedom.
It’s a pretty multi-layered gig so here’s our advice for what are your most important duties.
The bucks night: Unlike their female counterparts, the best man has a fairly simple equation for a good bucks night — plenty of food, booze and some variation of female entertainment.
This can take place anywhere from your backyard, to a boat, to Las Vegas, Phuket or Bali. It all depends on the amount of money you’ve got to play with.
What needs to be remembered is the consequences from your expected night of excess.
You have a tricky double act to perform — you need to make sure the groom is suitably inebriated and put in as many compromising situations as possible.
But you also need to run interference and make sure no evidence leaves the party or gets anywhere near the bride.
Pre-wedding: It may not be obvious but your mate’s probably got a fair bit on his mind — make sure he’s not making rookie mistakes such as forgetting to buy the rings or hire the tuxes.
When the big day arrives, get to his place early, keep him calm and make sure you drive him to the venue on time.
The speech: Your key job on the day/night. Some people can walk in and improvise a speech on the night — you’re not one of these people.
The rule of thumb is to make fun of your mate without embarrassing or incriminating him — while simultaneously heaping praise on the bride.
A couple of good anecdotes and jokes to keep him unsettled will do nicely before you heap the praise on both newlyweds and their future life together.
But a word of advice — lay off the grog pre-speech, just in case you accidentally go all Edward Snowden and release classified information.
And give a shout out to the father of the bride — he’s probably blown a big portion of his super on all the free grog and food so you should be grateful.
© The West Australian