The 10 Commandments
THOU SHALT NOT GET SUNBURNT
We know you’re dying to show off your tramp stamp/sleeve tattoo/ear gauges but nothing takes a massive deuce on your festival experience like being sauteed in the WA sun. Hat, sunnies, sunscreen — not that hard is it?
THOU SHALT HAVE PRE-ARRANGED MEETING POINTS
Aren’t smart phones amazing? They can do everything except send an SMS or make a phone call at a music festival. Rather than lose your mates and spend the day wandering about alone, nominate a place to meet when you inevitably get separated.
THOU SHALT NOT BRING ENTIRE WALLET
Yeah, there are ATMs at festivals. But you’ll be married with kids by the time you get to the front of the line. Plus, the chances of your wallet slipping out of your pocket are greatly enhanced if you’re upside-down crowd-surfing. Get out a heap of cash before you go and leave your cards — with the exception of your ID — at home.
THOU SHALT GET DRINK TICKETS EARLY
Most festival bars have a ticket system rather than a cash bar. It can be a pain lining up to buy your tickets so buy a heap early. Yeah, you risk having unused, sweat-soaked tickets in your pocket at the end of the day, but think of it as an investment to make sure you’ve got more time to see bands.
THOU SHALT NOT DRINK INSTEAD OF WATCHING BANDS
Telling someone the next day you didn’t see any bands because you were “so torched, ’ey” is prime douchebaggery, a waste of cash and, if it’s sold-out, a waste of a ticket.
THOU SHALT ENTER AT LEAST ONE MOSHPIT
Look, you’re (presumably) young and no one wants to get old without having any stories to tell. And moshpits, for their bad rep, will provide you with memorable moments. Be it randomly making out with a stranger, being part of a moving mass of humans or getting the hell out of the way as an angry headliner jumps into the crowd, you’ll be recounting your pit tales for years to come.
THOU SHALT OBSERVE MOSHPIT ETIQUETTE
Yes, the pit’s a rowdy place but there are still rules, you big boofhead. If people have been in their spot for half an hour, don’t shirtfront them as you barge up the front; gaps will open once the music starts. If someone falls down, you pick them up straight away. Physical contact’s inevitable but don’t try to hurt people. Also, sitting on someone’s shoulders might be fun for you, but for the person in front of you that you kick in the head and the 20 people behind you who now can’t see the stage, you’re public enemy No. 1. It doesn’t matter how hot you are — you WILL get things thrown at you.
THOU SHALT NOT STAY AT THE MAIN STAGE
Some of the best stuff is often found on smaller side stages. Festivals are a great chance to discover new bands and you might as well get the most bands for your bucks. Plus, if one of the bands becomes huge later on you’ll be able to smugly tell everyone how you saw them years ago and were one of just 20 people there — instant hipster cred.
THOU SHALT NOT WATCH BANDS THROUGH A FIVE-INCH SCREEN
We’ve all done it: “Erhmagerd, my favourite band’s playing my favourite song, I better record this and upload it to social media otherwise it didn’t happen!” Then we sit there blocking the view of those behind us and getting a sore arm filming a shaky, hideous-sounding video that’ll get 12 views on YouTube and you’ll never watch again. Live in the now, man! Enjoy the moment!
THOUGH SHALT EAT DINNER
There will inevitably be a downtime when there are no bands on that you want to see. Use this window wisely to get some food into you, and try to find something healthy-ish. If not, there may be consequences. Namely, having to listen to the headline act muffled through the walls of a portaloo.
BONUS 11TH COMMANDMENT:
Portaloos are hideous, especially after they’ve been used for 12 hours on a 40C day. Take care of business at home before you leave.
© The West Australian
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